Parenting is the foundation of everything good or evil in our societies by farthest extension. According to Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, it is simply defined as the process of caring for your child or children. Parenting I… would love to explain briefly as the parent(s) actions or inactions on their child(ren) to make them resourceful for themselves first and then for their home and for the societies at large.
Nobody yet has fallen from the sky and has the exact semblance of human constructs — internally and externally. If that happens now, because we are at the tail end of this life, because I am ‘Christ Ian’, the being would be Jesus Christ at His “second coming” or perhaps someone fell off an airplane ✈ without a parachute – death 💀 will sequel that certainly. So, in exactness, what I am trying to say is that we all have backgrounds, we must have been birthed by someone who was impregnated by a particular nozzle, some male person — we all have homes or parents at a point [but may not have parent(s) at this point any longer literally or practically]. These facts are what make us humankind.
In furtherance, our homes are the parents and not the buildings in which they dwell(ed). This would be evidently correct to you when you believe that you have been mincing things up plausibly, when you say “I, am going home.” And the conceptions you have next up your psyche are the buildings in which your parents are living or used to live in. When next you utter that statement, try and have deeper and better conceptions –that it is because you have or had parent(s) is the reason you are going home 🏠 as a child(ren). Some say “home” and see the home as the buildings done up of blocks in bricks and roofed finally — houses are just to give us shelter, privy from others, the sun and ☔ rainfall. There is no way you would go home 🏠 to go and greet the blocks in bricks, cemented all over and roofed that you have arrived. You would walk into it to do that to your parent(s): which is culturally good around here. Hence, home is not the building, no matter how beautiful or pastoric it may look, home are your parents — the author of the foundation of whatever you have become yet in life. That is the why for the Yoruba adage if Englished — “Charity begins at home.”
Parenting is strictly the responsibility of the parent(s) to make a good home happen by training, dedicatedly and frequently the child(ren) all forms of positive ethics about everything in life. The moment the foundation which should be authored properly by the parent(s) is weak, nothing built on it will last. In other words, parents are builders and their product(s), the child(ren) are the buildings. Let us take experimentation into consideration at this juncture for proper comprehension. Today, go outside and try to reach the toppest part of a tall building or you could fancy this if you do not mind imagination. Look at the different kinds of buildings you have around you; are they the same? Certainly, they are NOT… Those are like the children in our societies today. They are different buildings with different foundations. Some buildings’ foundations have failed them and they have collapsed for we can see their fallen rafters. Some foundations are still standing but about failing completely as they are shaking to fall as time is advancing while some foundations are (seen) so strong 💪 as their structures are perfectly erected and their roof tops are not rust but of diverse glowing colours as they are reflecting the glories of the shining sun. In a non-metaphoric words, there are different children in the societies today: we have ones who are dying smoking and drinking hard, we have ones whose lives have been battered as sluts, we have ones who are criminals, we have ones who are dying gradually due to drug 💊 abuse, we have ones who are at the garages’ beer 🍺palours fighting and getting stabbed again, we have ones who are running away from schools, we have ones getting impregnated ‘unconsciously’ again, we have ones raping again, we have ones getting rapped again, we have ones betting all day long, we have ones witnessing their parent being punched into stupor by the other parent all night 🌃 long, we have ones who are studying hard with ‘sakabula’ all night long, we have ones who hawk junks to keep up 👆 good dreams all day long, we have ones preparing harder to re-sit exams, we have ones who are working in offices on merit, we have ones who are studying hard without season to advance in horizon, we have ones taking good care of their responsibilities as children to their parents, we have ones planning their futures’ plans already and so forth. Those who are doing the wrongs are the failing or failed buildings so to say while the ones trying really to be better are the hopes of better societies for all and sundry. The point is, all these features children as buildings exemplify are sourced in the foundations authored by the builders i.e. the parents’ poor parenting or good parenting.
As a dualist, someone who believes in two nature of everything there is, I believe there are only two kinds of parenting in our societies: Good Parenting and Bad Parenting. It is as simple as they have been categorised. Something not good is definitely bad and something bad cannot be good. This is why the Yorubas would say, “Ohun ti o da o loruko meji: ohun ti o da o da.” My dream and hope is to encourage a healthy society by indirectly encouraging good parenting as against bad parenting. Let us treat them one after the other and together see what their contexts look like.
Good Parenting: this takes time, commitment and several recommencing of different practices by the parents with a child. A good parenting does not actually begin from the moment the wife puts to bed in the hospital, it begins even right from when courtship kicks start twixt the man and the woman. If I were to write about just good parenting alone actually, I could write a whole text detailed on the same. But I must find a way to be succinct and to avoid to sound irksomely. So, note, please, good parents to-be would have begun planning for their child(ren) even before they come. The both of them should have agreed on the number of children they should have and give good parenting to for without which lest they become nuisance in the society and that is of no good use for anybody as far as I am concerned based on a fact that we all are connected in the makeup of a society. For the sake of usefulness in the child(ren) so, good parents would have schemed several necessary factors beforehand for the child(ren) to-be –wherever you see good parenting, there are plans, targets, aim and objectives, disciplines, sacrifices, love, hope and ultimately God in the system.
Evil had been radiating the atmosphere of the world from the time immemorial (though that is directly not the case study here) but one fact remains fit for every timeline that no matter how heinous an evil could be, it was first devised right in the head or mind of a child who belongs to some parents. Mass killing of the innocents down to the stealing of a piece of meat in the soup pot in the middle of the night have two things in common. There was the thought to do so and the thought was executed and it became a reality. These evils good parenting could help to prevent for good and bring out the best in the child(ren) in the stead (God helping). How? There is where sacrificing time with the child(ren) comes in. Good parenting entertakes the parent(s) studying the child(ren) from day one of their birth –being their good friend. Parenting is a relationship and not a ‘dictatorship’. There is no way parent(s) would know their product(s) whose behaviours they do not understand. One of the things good parenting has to do with is knowing your son or daughter. Whenever something strange begins to pop up in his or her habitude, in good parenting, the parent(s) would know and come in because they have always been coming in. From there, because, prior, relationship of amity and trust have been established God helping, if the child(ren) have been thinking evil, they would be encouraged against so in the right ways. This will take showing them the bigger picture aside the growing evil which would not help. Good parenting is being pragmatic –showing the child(ren) instances of what the evil growing in his or her mind would lead to and what doing the otherwise would lead to. By encouraging this, evil would be prevented for goodness sake in any home that sustains good parenting.
More so, good parenting treats children differently. What worked for the son A to yield to a correction might not work for the daughter Z. Techniques to handling the children must never be exhausted no matter what. In good parenting, the parent(s) would know well when it is right to chastise the child(ren) or just to sit them down and converse with them allowing them to express themselves.
In good parenting, the parents would never do against what they direct the child(ren) to do. Good parents would direct their child(ren) not to fight and they would not fight at home or in the public place. They would direct them not to lie and they would not lie too. They would direct them to wake early to pray and they would do that to their faces to always see. They would direct them to always read and they would read always to their faces too. They would direct them to respect elders and they would show the same to their faces always. They must not do hard drinks or be in bad companies and they will not do likewise too and so forth. In good parenting, what the parent(s) need the child(ren) to do to be relevant they exemplify frequently. As this continues without a pause, what the child(ren) have been seeing, they would begin to be believing and practice. Finally on good parenting, the parents train their child(ren) themselves. A Yoruba adage says “Oju mewa o le jo oju eni” –no one will take good care of your child(ren) for you as you would have yourself check.
Bad 👎 Parenting: this is just the otherwise of everything that has to do with good parenting which I have tried to explicitly summarise prior. Bad parenting is when the parent(s) naturally have no good plans for the child(ren) even before their birth and after. Bad parenting bears the foundation of 90 percentage of the menaces we have in the societies today. You would agree with me if you’d check. The worst country ever when it comes to corruption, as quintessence, is not that the geographical location is cursed or done into something like or worse than that; go and check the homes in the country — it is the foundation of the evil in that society. If each home 🏠 could do the parenting from the beginning till the child(ren) naturally become independent, there is no how we would not have children who mostly are interested in healthy relationships with positivism as their philosophy. But when the home itself is rotten. Or when the parents are not doing the right things for the child(ren) at the right time… when the child(ren) go out into the community, they would only give what they have been made into; they will not be able to give what they do not have. So, this is the capital reason we have terrorists being youths, most rapists being youths, touts being youths, most thieves being youths, yahoo-yahoo scammers being mostly youths, lazy bones being mostly youths, suicide bombers being youths and the likes.
Bad parenting should be war against. Parent(s) should mount the scaffold armed to the teeth with the requisites to give the child(ren) the best foundation before they go out. Parent(s) should be the ones to do this and not some relatives or grannies please. No one parents can nurture their child(ren) wholly by themselves yes… but the capital person(s) taking up these responsibilities should be parent(s) provided they are. Bad parenting has done the world much evil than what good one has. But… it is never too late to be hopeful that there would be turnaround. It is never too late for some parent(s) to recommence their parenting typology, not for the sake of the societies alone but for the parent(s) to have peace of mind in their old ages — when it should be ripe for them to begin to reap the proceeds of their good parenting on the child 👶 or children. Not only that but also for the children to further the processes of good parenting on their own generation. If this could keep on repeating itself for 10 generations at most, even Africa would wear new wears of glory and the world would bear the witness.
Using Rarity instead of Laxity
Asking questions makes one to know what one has and what one lacks. It helps to be conscious as to the status quo and to improve it for goodness sake. This simply entails the parent(s) (to-be) to ask themselves the necessary questions and to begin to work on the questions for answers because prevention is better than cure. One of my teachers, whom we used to call Pastor, once said in one of his Literature-in-English classes way back when I was in Secondary school “To succeed in life has to do with initiating the 5 P’s – Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performances.” To succeed one has to understand each concept clearly, one has to understand what is proper, what preparation entails, what prevention prevents, what poor means and what/how good performances can help.
In Nigerian society, it is way too rare to come across a good parenting and that is one of the big WHY’s for the delinquencies, vices, insurgencies which are the groomers of the nation’s internal insurrections. It is as rare as how scarce virgins among the teens or the adult not yet married are today. My comparison is not to contemn those who lost their virginity because they were victims of bad circumstance but either so or not, bad parenting could be considered responsible on the matters of rape and related ones.
The societal constructs which we always mention and which serve as the bases from which the mentality of many sprang are, based on each home’s parenting constructs. This is why it is necessary in this part of the world to embrace good parenting which is very rare as against being lax as parent(s). Laxity, sadly, in parenting will always boomerang. It must be discouraged in action or practice by the parent(s) if they need or dream what is good for their children, themselves and their society at large, they should consider good parenting.
Child(ren) will one day develop to become parents one way or the other. They cannot remain children for ever, it is not naturally possible. This is why it is necessary for children in our societies to always attempt to replace the rarity in their homes as to parenting with what they know would pay their own futures. Children should not deceive themselves pretending to be sophisticated and all that. As a child to particular parents, I know the weaknesses in their parenting and I always try hard to work on those areas myself. I know the strengths in their parenting too and I promise to uphold them evermore. This is how children of today ought to be like: to watch, to study and to evaluate the parenting style of their parent(s), for whatever happens next in their lives would not only affect their parents nor the society alone but mostly them by default.
© Jodekss Gloatkenf
<img class=”size-medium wp-image-6813″ src=”http://pengician.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/IMG_20170305_071734-225×300.jpg” alt=”” width=”225″ height=”300″ /> art work credited to Jodekss <img class=”size-medium wp-image-6813″ src=”http://pengician.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/IMG_20170305_071734-225×300.jpg” alt=”” width=”225″ height=”300″ /> art work credited to Jodekss