Years before now, I always wondered at the stereotypic penchant of African mothers to wear out their daughters on the issue of marriage. I always found it amusing to watch these women, armed with the weapon of biological clock; torture their daughters on the fleeting beauty of a woman’s youthfulness after locking same daughters in the dungeon of frigidity and loneliness for a greater part of their youth, all in the name of protecting them from the wiles of the opposite sex. How ironic!

I thought it to be a despicable perception that a woman has no worth or value without a man. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that, in this part of the world, a woman’s true accomplishment is in getting married and that every other thing outside that is inconsequential. But, I never saw coming that soon I would get to taste the frustration that accompanies mother-daughter conversations which usually center on marriage.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Marriage is a beautiful thing and it is indeed a great accomplishment to have a happy marriage. Of course, if I am to see a dashing young man who thinks the world of me, kneeling at my feet and asking the big question, I would definitely oblige. But, that won’t be because I received a long, torturous lecture from my mum on the pride of womanhood, being marriage, or because of the expectations of the African community of their women to always oblige to marriage proposals, without considering the opinion and feelings of the latter. No way!

I would say ‘Yes’ to my man because I agree with him, like the Bible says in Amos 3:3, “Can two walk together except they be agreed”. I would say ‘Yes’ to him because I’m ready to take on the responsibility of loving him according to 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 and Proverbs 10:12. I would say ‘Yes’ to him because he is my man and none other’s, my hero, my rock, my crown. I would say ‘Yes’ to him not because he coaxed me into it but because he allowed me to consciously make the decision to live my life with him. I would say ‘Yes’ to him because he loves and cherishes me and because just as he is my head, he has made God his head and Jesus is at the center of our union – Ephesians 5:23-33.

He wouldn’t be a ‘Mama’s boy’ – Gen. 2:24, he would be his own man, hardworking, responsible – 1 Timothy 5:8. He would listen to wisdom and have discretion as his kinsman. He wouldn’t be perfect; for no man is perfect, I am not perfect (perfection is actually boring at times). He would have the understanding to walk with me in my flaws as I do with him, with God helping us to improve on ourselves. He should be my ambassador everywhere just as I would for him anywhere.

Marriage is not a city of Eldorado. There are lots of challenges, difficulties, temptations that accompany marital life, why make it harder by forcing someone into it.

Remember, it’s a lifetime thing, it would be better for one to look before leaping than to jump right into the ocean and then wish for a life jacket.

Note: “Till death do us part”.

© Amaka 2017

Amaka is a writer and poet, an artist(e) who uses strokes of words to paint the snapshots of her mind on the literary canvas.

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8 thoughts on “[Essay] MY TAKE ON THE NUPTIAL

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