[Short Story] Uncle Johnny by Isoboye Danagogo

Uncle Johnny
Isoboye Danagogo


Port Harcourt, Nigeria

Uncle Johnny is a lecherous cunning man, one of those men in Kala-ama village; who always keep records of single women and widows.

He always says…”Women are like mango tree, they bear fruits when they are yellow, ripe and mature”.

Nimble-footed Uncle Johnny; who taps only the fair and Elongated Behind women, in Kala-ama village.

He has over forty two children with sixteen maidens and he is not tired, because to him; male and female are the best decoration on the bed. All his life, he had been a father without responsibility. He barely recognizes his children, but he doesn’t forget the faces of women.

Uncle Johnny: ‘good day Ibiye’

Ibiye: ‘good day sir.’

Uncle Johnny: ‘you’re looking beautiful every day since the demise of your husband?’

Smile alights from Ibiye’s cheek’

‘Sir, all praise to the gods’

Uncle Johnny: ‘I can see, so you’re telling me no man is hitting your innermost chambers?’

‘Sir, please don’t use such words before people call it another name’

Uncle Johnny: ‘Abeg! Let them say, when a woman is ripe for eaten, a man has to wash both hands clean before eating lest he eats her with dirty hands’

Ibiye: ‘Sir, I don’t really understand this parable?’

Uncle Johnny: walking away and looking back to glance at her waist. He hallucinated. ‘Ibiye you’re ripe for eaten’. Ibiye speechlessly stared at him with dumbfounded face.

Loquacious Uncle Johnny fantasized how he would handle Ibiye on the bed so much that she will ask for more. He beats his chest. ‘I know what my John-Thomas can do. I have never been defeated in bed’

Johnny is just a village fisherman though handsome and tall. He is just one of those lucky men that got heritage from their late father’s boats and nets. His late father, during the colonial era was a boat man to the White men.

Uncle Johnny got all he is enjoying from his late father, Mr Kala-ru Abite. His antics earned him the name, Johnny. His name is Opiriye Kala-ru Abite.

The name Johnny became a household name because (Opiriye Kala-ru Abite) Uncle Johnny would do anything just to sleep with any beautiful woman in Kala-ama Village. He has a wife that was betrothed to him for six years before he got married to her and they had children together; Boma, Kalio and Toru, who is the eldest amongst them all. Uncle Johnny can’t stop chasing after women in the village.

On a fateful day, Toru came home with Siya; the daughter of elder Priye, while Uncle Johnny was sitting outside.

Toru: ‘Good day Father’, Uncle Johnny nodded in response.

Toru and his girlfriend, Siya walked passed Uncle Johnny.

‘Stop! Where are you going with this beautiful girl?’

Toru: ‘she’s my friend’

‘What Friend if I may ask?’

Toru: ‘Please, Father, leave us; we are friends’

‘Friends, I see. I don’t want any complains o!’

Toru: ‘there will be no complains’.

Uncle Johnny: ‘Chai! Son, today you’ve made me to believe I gave birth to you… she’s beautiful.’

Toru and Siya walked out of Uncle Johnny’s presence.

Siya: ‘your father is quite funny’

Toru: ‘funny! You call that? He is just a hypocrite. I think he likes you?’

Siya: ‘exclaimed! Eh! Likes me, but how?

Toru: ‘laughs… that’s my old man for you. He doesn’t remove his eyes from skirts and waist like yours?’

Siya: ‘that Man must sure be a player’

Toru: ‘He’s sure a player with us as his team mates’.

They both laughed and went into Toru’s Hut.

To be continued…

(c) Isoboye Danagogo 2016

Isoboye Kalaiwo Danagogo is a native of Kalabari in River State, Nigeria.

A marketing student of Rivers State University of Science and Technology (RSUST) Port Harcourt. His love for Literature cannot be quantify.




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